things that ought not be said so many times

Below is a list of things that I find being said by me or a student way too many times. It should not be legal.

1. Me: "Stop grunting!"
I do not know what the deal is with middle schools boys and grunting/animal noises, but it is out of control. I do not like it. It is very unnerving.

2. Student: "I would _________ if Baby Freeman weren't here right now."
Usually the blank is filled with an action verb like "hit you" or "throw this." My response is usually something along the lines of "Baby Freeman thanks you, but let's just not do that in general."

3. Me: "I am sick of your pencil games!"
For some reason this year has brought with it much drama with writing utensils of all kinds--pens, pencils, mechanical pencil parts, lead, etc. There is swapping pencils, stealing pencils, more than I can keep up with honestly.

4. Student: "Mrs. Freeman, your stomach is so big. I think it just grew."
I don't quite know how to respond to these comments yet. For so long, comments about having a large stomach were strictly forbidden and offensive to the extreme, but now they are a fact of life. My, how one's perspective can change!

5. Me: "Start channeling the 9th grade, please!"
This is my response to any childish or foolish action that belongs in first or second grade yet has snuck into an eighth grader's repertoire. I have told my students that I am genuinely concerned for their well-being in high school if they cannot step up their game a little.

6. Me: "Sticking out your tongue? Are you serious right now?"
Ok, so I have only said this once, and it was today. But the fact that I had to say it even once to an eighth grader is too much, and therefore, makes the cut.

While funny from a distance, I would challenge anyone to find the humor in the moment.